Cuspis the Highly Annoyed graduated from Wizarding School with a degree in Thaumaturgy and a minor in Divination-because he listened to his guidance counselor who told him that it opened up job opportunities-and immediately found himself unemployed. After a few false starts with little success and having very little money left in his pouch, he reluctantly joined a party of adventurers. Their first and only delve into a small dungeon resulted in an almost total party kill where only Cuspis and two torchbearers managed to escape. Firmly set against becoming an adventurer again, Cuspis took any job he could find, including spending a short amount of time serving Verkonikon the Vile, and being the court magician for Rodentia the Verminlord. While hiding out from his latest patron in a local tavern he saw an ad in Summoner of Fortune magazine to serve in the Great Goblin Army during the Goblin-Faerie War of Terrortree Forest. Figuring it was better than what he was doing he applied for the position and found himself in charge of a Legion of Goblins. Due to a basic inability to do math the massive amount of goblin causalities were considered "successful leadership" by the Goblin King, who quickly promoted Cuspis to Field Marshall of the Great Goblin Army. Despite the low intelligence of his forces, Cuspis managed to forge them into an effective fighting force through a combination of elemental psychology and positive reinforcement. Things were finally looking up for Cuspis, who was now known as Cuspis the Dry Toothpick to the Eye for his reputation. Forces gathered in the forests for what would come to be known as the Battle of the Stump That Looks A Bit Like A Wang. Cuspis was there with the entire Goblin Army, along with a number of beasts brought into service, and some mercenary wizards, including Carl the Lightning of Wrath, Flind the Fetching, and Flatus the Wind of Decay. The fairies were ill-prepared for the battle, but unbeknownst to Cuspis a party of heroic adventurers had joined the fairies, led by Flennetar the Flayer, Scourge of Goblinkind, a paladin of great renown. As the battle waged on, with spells flying and the blood of goblins and fairies soaking the ground, Cuspis became keenly aware that the battle was no longer between the fay races, and had instead become an adventurer grudge match. In a key moment Flennetar the paladin kicked an attacking goblin with great force, aiming it toward Cuspis, only to have it go wide and strike Flind the Fetching in the chest. In a rage, the vain Flind cast a Pulsing Nova Fireball spell, but not being much of an expert in fire spells it landed in the wrong spot and began to flare. The first pulse set fire to the flowers and grass, and as it shrunk back to begin its second pulse Cuspis acted on raw survival instinct, casting a Temporal Stasis spell on the Pulsing Nova, linked to a Dimensional Aperture to siphon off the blast. However, he did not have time to select an appropriate dimension and simply cast the spell. The Dimensional Aperture opened into a dimension exactly identical to Cuspis's own, only where time moves backwards and this set up a loop that made the spell permanent and caused it to constantly pulse. As a side effect, the Stump That Looks A Bit Like A Wang is constantly being turned to ash and then reforming and nobody wants to dismantle the spell for fear of what might happen. Despite the Goblin and Fairy armies both being reduced to around 3% of the original populations, both sides claimed victory and the Goblin King offered to make Cuspis his Permanent GOAT Court Advisor. Considering the disgusting state of life in the goblin warrens, Cuspis claimed he could not accept the honor as his destiny lay elsewhere. The Goblin King, having no idea what that meant but not wanting to appear stupid, gave Cuspis his reward and allowed him to leave. Unemployed again, Cuspis returned to his search for gainful employment...
Cuspis enrolled in Wizard Graduate School via distance learning, and took classes via correspondence while doing a variety of odd jobs, including identifying magical items for commission and pest control*, but after a few years he graduated from his courses with a Masters in High Wizardry! Now over-educated in a market that can barely support low level wizards, Cuspis was frustrated. While perusing the want ads in an outdated newspaper while using a public privy he noticed an ad for an Executive Administrator to a Would-Be World Conqueror, top benefits, management experienced preferred, contact Morcar, House of Pain, Fields of Death, 398576. Cuspis decided to take the chance and journeyed to the location and applied. After surviving the interview, an impressive feat as Morcar had not had an applicant survive since he'd placed the ad 4 years prior, Cuspis was hired. His first duty was to oversee the hiring of more help. Cuspis sent out a dozen or so letters and posted up flyers, but to no avail. Finally while attending a mixer he ran into Pierre le Fableux, with whom he'd attended university and given that Pierre had become a proper Necromancer, he figured it was a good fit. A few weeks later one of the letters he'd sent out produced a reply. Carl the Lightning of Wrath had lost his pension and was looking for work. Cuspis hired him and the three wizards set about the business of Morcar's world domination. For the most part the job would be ideal, as it allows Cuspis to organize and direct the various monsters and traps and assets of Morcar's many dungeons, but there is the persistent problem of adventurers and his realization that he works with idiots. There is also the problem of Morcar himself, who should he be successful in his grand goal will plunge the entire world into a hell of destruction and chaos, which it happens to be the world in which Cuspis lives and he quite likes it, meaning he spends much of his time making it look like the plan is proceeding while subtly shifting the assets to more useful and productive purposes.
Fortunately Morcar is a bit ADHD.
Personality: Cuspis the Highly Annoyed is not actually evil. He's not even sort of evil. He is, however, practical. He gained his present sobriquet due to his overwhelming hatred of two things: inefficiency and Adventuring Parties. It is hard to say which annoys him more. The former is best represented by his employer and his co-workers, but the latter really gets his goat. Adventuring parties always show up just after you've gotten things repaired, breaking furniture looking for traps and treasure, tracking soil and blood on the carpets, and slaughtering the staff whom they mistake for the monsters. He loathes them. Cuspis is famous for inventing the spell Kal-Gone, which when cast sends targets away to a dimension of soapy bubbles and leaves the gentle scent of lavender in their place.
Likes: kabobs, manly scented beard care products, hats.
*But that is a tale for another time...
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