Saturday, October 13, 2018

Haunted Hunt Club Farms 2018

As I've mentioned in the past, in Virginia Beach there is a farm, called Hunt Club Farms, that does events and sells produce and such.  In October they get haunted.  For a hefty fee you can enjoy unlimited access to the haunted hay ride, the field of screams corn not-maze, and the village of the damned.  Oh, and event food, but more on that in a bit.  Here, in no particular order, are the photos of the trip.

The weather was hot and muggy-because this is Virginia Beach, people-and that made it a bit less pleasant than I'd hoped.  We arrived before dark (when the haunted festivities begin) and spent some time feeding goats and an alpaca at the petting zoo side.  Once 6:30 PM hit we paid for the haunted part and let the fun begin...

A nice exterior shot of the backside of the large barn-like building where they have events and you can sit and have a bite to eat.  Notice the pumpkin up top.  That will get interesting after dark. 

 Okay, I don't actually know any of these people.  I just wanted to get a shot of the produce and the store where I bought a candy apple.  If it makes you feel better you can give them names.  Or I will.  There's Ted and Esperanza at the register, and look, Hilda Humperfrinks is examining a stack of pumpkins!
 EVENT FOOD!  The Italian sausage and steaks sandwich cart is featured, but you can see the kettle corn tent beside it.  Next to that is the lemonade/deep fried Oreo/smoked turkey leg tent.  I don't know what those three things have to do with one another, but they got your bases covered.
We confirmed that, just like 26 years ago, I still don't like corndogs.  Yep.  My event food was not good.  So there I was dripping sweat and not enjoying my event food.  Wretched.
 Yeah, still don't know these people, but you can see the tiny ferris wheel.  In years past they had a full size proper adults-can-ride wheel, but the past few it has been kids size only.
 Vendors!  Dipping Dots.  (Or is it Dippin' Dots?  I really don't know)  I didn't actually check out the vendors on that side of the fairway.  You can see the kids pumpkin patch in the background here.
 Why did I take a picture of this sign?  Enlarge it and hopefully you can see how cool it looks.
 My arm with wristbands.  Pink band was for the petting zoo, but the sparkly orange band...that's my unlimited SCREAM pass.  I did not scream.  I did pull a Barney Fife though when a guy jumped out of a dark corner at me.  I don't care what you say, if you were a psycho murderer wouldn't you hide out in a Halloween spook house?  Perfect cover.

 Two shots of the sign at the front, also the pumpkin.  
 I selected this blurry photo of the front of the store and the pumpkins out of 12 rapid fire Austin Powers shots I took.  It's a bit crap.
 Percy the pooping pumpkin.  See, I can name things.  This little guy is one of a half dozen copies for sale.  Look at him, glancing around furtively, hoping nobody is watching him squat a squash in the bushes.  Too cute.

 Look closely.  It's a Jack O Lantern now.  Yeah, I know.  That's not a good picture.
 I literally have no idea what this is.  I took a picture of dark.  That's all I got.  Thankfully they lit the dark for me.
 Look, I just like pumpkins, okay?  You can see the barn design though.
 Okay, I do know this person.  That's Mrs. Rook Wilder.  See how the carnival atmosphere has pervaded the place?  Nice, yeah?  
 I think I'm trying to get a picture of this pumpkin gate while moving at a reasonable pace toward the Village of the Damned.
 Again, I have no idea what this is.  I don't always think before I hit the button.

Ah, it finally pays off.  There's the happy Jack-O.  It looks very fetching as you are driving down the street toward the farm.  Very inviting.  Protecting the farm from ghosts and, presumably, corn smut.
I just wanted an excuse to say "corn smut".  
You might notice a lack of pictures of the Haunted Hayride, the Village of the Damned, or the Field of Screams.  
They won't let you take pictures. 
So let's just remember my poor art skills and paint a word picture instead.

Should scary rides/walkthroughs be themed?  Maybe random scary and jump scares are better.  This is a serious question that deserves further study.  It's what you think.  You go through the corn maze that only lets you go one way, things stalk (there's the pun...knew it was there somewhere), things jump at you, and there's a strange barn full of right angle to disorient you...and a toilet.  I wondered if it was plumbed or not.  It was a real shitter.
Village of the Damned has a bit of a story.  This brings up a protocol question.  Should you rush through or let them tell their whole story.  How long do you linger listening to the "actress" going on about gypsies and her unfaithful husband before you walk on?
I figured, for respect, to stop and listen.  And walk slowly.  I mean, you paid for this.  Take it all in.  
Hayrides are different.  They move you at the speed they wish you to go.  It's always the same at Hunt Club Farm, in terms of format.  The things that jump out at you are not always the same, and yes, they have a story.  You only get the story when they pull this massive tractor and two flatbeds train into it and close it up behind you.  This year was a ghost girl and some creepy dolls that my wife noticed are the animatronic elves from their Christmas display.  So that's either hilarious or holy shit, you decide.  
I always feel bad for the guy in the scene right after the barn though.  That's like being the opening act and having to go on AFTER the main act.  You've just crapped your pants in a dark barn.  What, possibly, can this guy say to scare you?
He tries his best though.  Very professional.  He's not phoning it in, so bless him for it.  Eye of the tiger, that guy.

Keep your pumpkins lit.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

WHAT ARE YOU?
Sometimes I find the weirdest things on Halloween store websites.  Here's another example of something that came up when I used the key word "phantom".

It's not bad though.  Probably sweaty in that mask though.

Keep Your Pumpkins Lit.

Saturday, October 6, 2018

PUMPKIN GUTS: CP Classic Rewind: Hauntings Scarred Me For Life

In honor of the passing of a truly important landmark some years ago, and in honor of Halloween, when the worlds of the living and passed on conjoin, and because it is obliquely about ghosts (both in the literal sense of subject AND in the metaphorical sense of something from one's past that "haunts" us) our Classic Rewind is a reminiscence of young Rook being scared and scarred for life, possibly leading to a number of unhealthy obsessions with the spooky.  Join me as we recall that classic event...

I grew up in the deep south and every year I would venture north, a bit, with my parents to visit Gatlinburg, Tennessee.  Way back then Gatlinburg, while a tourist town, was less flash than it is today, but it had a few landmarks I'll never forget such as a Space Needle (with arcade), Fannie Farkels arcade/corn dogs/funnel cakes, Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum and a little hole in the wall called Hauntings.
Part of the classic tri-fold brochure that convinced me to enter the establishment
Aw hell.
I was young and apparently, foolish.  I would look over the brochures we had collected and see if there was anything I wanted to do.  When I say young, I mean, young.  Not yet even a tween-ager.  My mother counseled against Hauntings, but I had braved the Mysterious Mansion and solved it with skills honed from years of watching Scooby-Doo, so what was this to me?  Obviously if you have live ghost shows "every 20 minutes" then either this is accomplished through tricks and special effects or these ghosts are professional performers.  I had nothing to fear.
Bullshit.
So on the day we decided to go we ate a late breakfast at the local McDonalds (back then you could buy character glasses made of actual glass...I got Charlie Brown) and we went to Hauntings.
Inside the single tiny room there were just us 3 and a young couple.  We were told not to sit on the front bench.  We sat in the dark for what seemed like hours.  I got scared.  I started shaking.  It was obvious because the Charlie Brown glass that I held between my thighs was rattling on the bench.
When the show started I was thrown into a dimension beyond fear and panic.  Looking back from this point it was nothing, but to my little mind it was pure HELL.
Let's have another look at the brochure, shall we:
That wicked cool ghost is what attracted me.  I mean, what does that say about me?  It says I was a little boy and little boys find stuff like the above cool.

This is what I expected, a person wearing a sheet and some glowing items "floating" with the aid of wires.

Yeah.  What I got was a strobe light flashing on a robed and hooded form swinging a chainsaw, smashing into the front bench and roaring "Someone must DIE!"
I recall to this day the words, "Not me!" being screamed by me because, as I've observed, kids are incredibly practical when it comes to such matters.

Oh, was I a wreck.  For the remainder of the trip I would not walk near that place.  I'd walk in the street to avoid it.  If I was on the other side of the street I'd start to get nervous as we got near it.  It was like the obsession people get with shark attacks or germs.  My psyche was scarred.  My father would later say that he felt horrible that they'd taken me and that he should have known better, but hey, I don't blame him.  I wanted to go.
For years whenever we would visit Gatlinburg (every year for Thanksgiving, because we really didn't want to see the whole family twice within 30 days, so we fled the state) I'd get antsy when we came near Hauntings and move as far away from the building as I could when we passed by.  That is AWESOME.  You can't plan for that kind of permanent mental marking.  I firmly believe my love for all this weirdness was born in that incident.  Bless it.

I don't have that Charlie Brown glass anymore, but I'll always have that memory until the day I die.

K.Y.P.L.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

GHOSTBUSTERS (1984): Making Hamburgers Out of Sacred Cows

The unexpected smash hit Ghostbusters from 1984 is not what you think it is.

On the surface this film tells the story of a capitalist venture where three university scientists are fired from their comfortable positions entrenched in the left-wing halls of academia and forced to fend for themselves in the world of trickle-down Reaganomics, but we must look deeper.
The writers of the film, Dan Ackroyd (Canadian) and Harold Ramis (Illinois born) were then, and remain, liberal.  The director, Canadian Ivan Reitman, is also on the left, politically-speaking.  1984 was the middle of the Reagan Era and the president faced criticism from the media on his foreign and domestic policies.  In the wake of the economically disastrous Carter Administration the supply-side economics (or as I prefer to call them free-market economics) of the Reagan Administration produced some of the most politically charged, if not immediately obviously so, works of the television and film industries.
Yet there was money to spend.  There was much money to spend.  The fact that Ghostbusters ended the year as the highest grossing film of the year in a time before streaming video, instant rental, and without taking into account VHS rentals and sales (this was 1984) shows that people were going into theaters to buy popcorn and overpriced candy and put bums in seats.  My own comfortably middle class childhood was not one of constant theater visits, but my parents took me to see Ghostbusters in the weeks after it released, and not after it came to the cheap dollar theater.
In terms of merchandising Ghostbusters produced a modest amount.  This is not taking into account the sequel, the children's cartoon (called The Real Ghostbusters), the toys associated with the cartoon, and comic books.  Again, purely anecdotal evidence, I owned a t-shirt with the GB Logo that was airbrushed and so completely unlicensed and illegal.  I also had the soundtrack on LP and the Activision game on my C-64.  This modest little film about 4 normal American men facing a world-ending supernatural crisis turned into a capitalist bonanza, an embarrassment of riches in 1984.

My original point, however, is that this is not what it is about at all.  After all, if it was about the free-market then the writers and director would be the worst sort of hypocrites, would they not?
Therefore it must be a satire excoriating capitalism and the free-market of Reagan's America.  A socialist polemic against the hated patriarchal enemy.

What evidence can I produce for this?

Viewing the film it is easy to see that Bill Murray's character of Peter Venkman is the driving force of the original trio.  Each character, including the supporting characters of Janine Melnitz, Winston Zeddemore, Dana Barrett, and Louis Tully, is of a type.  Egon represents science as authority, morally justified in itself, prefiguring the modern role that science plays as supreme authority in all matters of social and political justice.  Venkman represents the oily businessman who misrepresents science, morality, and politics as a tool to increase gains.  Ray Stantz represents the wide-eyed optimism and hope of the enlightened liberal whose nobler aspirations are kept in check by the uncaring greed of the system.  Winston is the working-class hero that must accept the lies of the system to make ends meet.  Of the supporting cast Dana represents the arts and their importance to the culture.  It is telling that she is courted by the capitalist who cares nothing for what she actually is, only what she can bring to his portfolio, in the form of Venkman.  Janine is the distaff counterpart to Winston.  She is the unappreciated woman whose skills and talents have no chance to succeed in the patriarchal world where she is forced to live.  "I've quit better jobs than this," Janine says.  Her attraction to Egon is symbolic of her understanding that only through embracing pure science will the remainder of the cast see her true genetic value.  Finally, Louis Tully, a comic relief figure in a comedic film, is, of course, an accountant-the dreaded tool of the capitalist right-wing to bring about economic agendas.  His representation as a feckless, gormless, sexually impotent dork is the strongest overt symbol of the film's agenda.
Now you might be tempted to point to the character of EPA representative Walter Peck and say this goes against the satirical agenda, but no, it actually supports it.  By 1984 the organization known as Greenpeace was gaining media support from famous actors as they worked to oppose nuclear proliferation, a major component of Reagan's foreign policy agenda.  Thus Peck represents the sell-out, ineffectual government agencies that were underfunded at best, and used to buy public opinion at worst, without providing the service for which they were designed.  Greenpeace and similar organizations argued that legislation was needed, but that the impetus would come from the people, not the token organizations put in place by the evil Republican government.

 In terms of the plot, the protagonists are unjustly ousted from their pure research lives and must fend for themselves in the harsh Reaganomics dominated world of America, 1984.  When the notion of capturing ghosts is brought forward seriously, it is Capitalist Peter Venkman that baits the hook, telling Ray Stantz, "The franchise rights alone will make us rich beyond our wildest dreams."  Ray's comment that this startup will require much capital takes us to a scene a visibly shocked Ray who was just mortgaged his family home, his inheritance ("my parents left me that house") to gain the startup funds.  Venkman assures him that "everyone has three mortgages these days" before Egon points out the interest payments alone to Ray, causing further emotional collapse.
After gaining their first paying job, in a scene following a comment that they are eating a meal of take-out Chinese that represents the last of their petty cash (note, this "joke" follows a comment by the avaricious Venkman that he needs to draw some petty cash to woo Dana Barrett to keep from losing the client-in actuality the capitalist is taking advantage of the artist).  Upon completion of the job the team, having not previously determined what the fee structure for their business would be (how did the bank ever approve this business plan?  It didn't, hence Ray's selling off his inheritance to pay for it) allows Venkman to bluff, bully, and otherwise use his considerable skills in chicanery to hold the hotel manager hostage for a then staggering fee of $5000, and they don't have to pay for the damages.  Egon provides the number, based on his own realization of their financial crisis.  Naturally Venkman plays this off as a "discount" price.

What follows is scenes of the Ghostbusters being seen as a new pop cultural sensation.  This goodwill lasts until Peck shuts down the power to the containment grid and then they are blamed for what is, essentially, improper storage of hazardous waste.  Jailed for their failure to be good stewards they are only released to allow them to "save the world" on a pro-bono basis.  Here is the ultimate point.  They only become heroes when they put aside their capitalist drives and do something for their fellow human beings.  Even the avaricious Venkman comes to learn this.

Various lines, many of them ad-libbed by Murray (Illinois born, known supporter of the Green Party and Ralph Nader), clearly point out the anti-capitalist sentiment of the work.  "No job to big; no fee too big"-Peter Venkman.  Venkman's marketing concerns about the Ghostbusters brand, such as when the first signage is going up at the HQ, his willingness to use litigation to fight Peck, at the drop of a hat, no less, and his general lack of concern for both science and the actual science of their business point to Peter Venkman as an obvious satire of the American Businessman, while the plot in general serves to show how the small business person is kept from achieving even a modest success by corporate barriers to entry.

You may be asking if the ghosts have any role in this pro-socialist, anti-capitalist agenda.  The answer is no.  The ghosts are merely the McGuffin for the plot.  You might stretch it to say that ghosts represent the ethereal aspects of commodities trading.  You might say that they are not real, their existence representing the unreal, non-corporeal aspects of trading in futures.  You might argue that the ghosts are, like the stock market, a tool that has value only to those that see it as valuable, but not an intrinsic value such that trading in the prospects of food, vice food itself, artificially drives up price and causes want in those that most need it, as Venkman drove up the price in the hotel on the capture of something that, essentially, they would not let anyone see and could not prove existed.  You could say all of that, but that would be silly, wouldn't it?






Monday, October 1, 2018

TO SHEET OR NOT TO SHEET

Ghost costumes really come in two forms.  You have the artistic form where you have to wear white make up and the costume is basically an outfit in tones of white, grey, and sometimes blue, and a sheet.
We've established my love for the sheet ghost, yes?
Of course we have.

There are many costumes on the market that are, honestly, fancy variations of the bed sheet.  So you can make your own with a bed sheet or you can purchase one (and for the price of a bed sheet, sometimes you are better off with the purchased costume that looks like a bed sheet to be honest), or you can do high concept and do the whole paint and gauze routine.  I warn you now, a bed sheet ghost is always, obviously, a ghost, but the paint and gauze route can be easily mistaken for a zombie or something else.  It's up to you, of course.
But what if we added some features to our basic bed sheet?
Can we do that?
Of course we can!  This is Halloween we are talking about.

Let's talk hats.  We see the top hat with several ghost costumes because top hats are long since out of fashion and therefore good for ghosts.  Especially the large number of "ghostly groom" costumes.

Here is one such hat.  It's a soft foam top hat with an oversize top that lends an air of sophistication and the grotesque to your ghost.  Grey or white preferred for obvious reasons. 

Now here's a nice little white job for about 10 bucks.  If we combine a nice top hat with the classic sheet ghost we get...

Is that great or what?  Mr. Ghost is looking good, but he's not quite ready to go to town just yet...
Oh yeah, it can always get better!
The addition of some swanky glasses gives our ghost a touch of mystery, but again I say, if we are about to leave our tomb for a night on the town we need to be dressed to the nines!

Ah, yes.  Now THAT is a fully accessorized sheet ghost, my friends.  A simple sheet ghost is elevated to the late Sir Grave Ghastly, nattily-attired spook-about-town.  
You can have a full on hoot with the sheet if you put in the time and effort.  How else is a ghost to get a table at all the deadest spots in town?
Well just ask Ghastly.  A bespoke sheet and the best notions from Haunt and Taylor, the discerning haberdashery and mortuary for the discerning former gentleman.

Keep those pumpkins lit.



Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Fun Film Follies

Halloween season has not officially started yet at the Pumpkin, but only because while I'd love to do a two month intro celebration, I'm only so creative or willing to crawl the net for interesting things.
I mean, look, you don't need me to go up and down the aisles at Target for you, do you?
We have plenty of people that do that better than me.  People that actually know how to use their cameras on their phones instead of taking 16 pictures of my feet while trying to get the one shot of the mask or whatnot.

However, I can offer you this short film for the season.

Enjoy.



Secret: I might, and I'm not admitting to anything, know some or all of the people in the credits.  

Let's get those pumpkins lit.

Friday, September 14, 2018

HALLOWEEN 2018

Coming soon to a blog near you.

Relax, citizen.  There is nothing to fear.