Friday, February 11, 2011

Damn it's cold

As the actress said to the bishop...

But seriously, folks.  It's cold.  I don't like it.  I'm sick of it.  I want to be somewhere warm, beachy, drinks with umbrellas in...

Not happy.  And for the record, neither is the wife.  She, despite being a native of Virginia and having lived here nearly all of her life, is so over cold weather.  We aspire to move south a bit, Gulf Coast perhaps.

The Caribbean.  Swimming Pools.  Pirates.  Drinks with umbrellas in.

So today I decided that I feel sci-fi nostalgic again.  I was going to talk about The Creature From The Black Lagoon and how much I enjoy that film.  But really, sod it.  A bloody classic that manages to be both a sci-fi classic and a Universal monster classic.  Yep.  Fish man.

Why is it that fish men, clearly lacking external genitalia, are so keen to mate with human women?

I bet Admiral Ackbar would taste yummy if boiled alive and dipped in drawn butter.  In fact that is probably the best way to torture a Mon Cal for information: dip him in drawn butter and then watch him try to eat himself.  (Lobsters are highly cannibalistic, and I don't care what the name is {Squid Man...Mon Calimari} those guys are bloody lobsters)

Many Mon Cal ate themselves to bring us this information.

I mean, if you had four Mon Cal stuck on a life raft together after a shipwreck they would waste no time getting to the part where they eat one of the group.  Probably before the supplies ran out.  Because they are going to need drawn butter.

This marks the fourth time I've used the words drawn butter without any clear notion of what makes it drawn. Butter I understand, but the rest of long as I get to go to Red Mon Cal for dinner.

"Would you like to hear about our specials today?"

"Shit.  Why not, sweet cheeks?"

"Today we have potato bisque for soup, a lovely Ceasar ranch salad.  Our fresh catch is Mahi."

"How's the Mon Cal done?"

"Boiled alive and served with drawn butter.  A dandelion green salad on the side."

"How is it caught?  Humanely I hope."

"Oh, it's a trap."

1 comment:

  1. You reminded me just now of the Robot Chicken skit where Mon Mothma and Admiral Ackbar are at dinner. Mon orders Lobster. Ackbar says "Well I guess I'll have the insensitive bitch. With a side of fuck you!"

    Also, we talked in email. It seems to be the goal of movies to convince us that Earth girls are the pinnacle of mating conquest. Monsters, Demons, Angels, Extra Terrestrials, ect. All want them a slice of an Earth girl. If it's a neolithic native whose the chief's daugher, all the freaking better.

    If Cameron had done Return of the Jedi, would Wicket have been replaced by Chief Chirpa's daugther?