My Favorite Costume of All Time

We've been talking about zombies a lot this year, so let's take a breather and discuss my favorite Halloween costume idea of all time.

THE SHEET GHOST!

OH SHEET!  A GHOST!

I love it.

The sheet ghost is one of what I call the classics, along with witch, pirate, hobo, and Dracula (not vampire, Dracula).  Of course ghosts are quite hard to do well because the generally accepted principle is that they are see-through.  People don't do see-through very well being quite opaque.  That's why we need a visual symbol of ghostliness.

We've talked about it before of course.  We discussed the Glorious History of the Bedsheet Ghost and we discussed To Ghost or Not To Ghost.  This is not new territory we are treading.  This is nostalgia.

In Glorious History we talked about the bedsheet being a burial shroud and why that is so, and in To Ghost we talked about the troubles of not being able to become translucent.  Is it even worth revisiting here?

I think so.

When you are doing a ghost costume you tend toward white, off-white, eggshell, maybe a pale blue.  These are the ghost colors.  A little glowing green can also be in the mix.  It's no good just putting on white Dockers and a t-shirt however.  For whatever reason ghosts are old.  Victorian era is a good ghost era.  White, glowing, out-of-date fashions, these things all scream ghost.  Take this fellow below, very Haunted Mansion, very spiffy...but the footwear?  Why not just get some boot toppers and kill me now?

Shame about the shoes, Frank.

Which is why the bedsheet and variations of it are so good.  Even if there has never actually been a sheet ghost seen, it is a cultural phenomenon.  We see it and we say, "Oh a ghost" and that's what we need for the brief seconds we have to make an impression.

The bedsheet ghost also holds up to scrutiny.  It's so minimalist that there is really nothing to scrutinize.  That's how you deal with scrutiny.  Have nothing over which one may be called out.

And it's dead cheap.  

These puns come for free people.  If you aren't satisfied the Pumpkin offers a conditional money back guarantee.  Just send in the unused portion of the article with your receipt and a SASE envelope and your refund will arrive in 4 to 6 weeks.

Okay, I'm really not sure how I feel about the trio of ghostly figures above.  Available from fine Halloween outlets such as Spirit Halloween, it looks to me like a group of ghost nuns.  They're animatronic, so they shake and whatnot.

On the other hand we have this pair I called Spooked and Spooky.  I don't quite know why the addition of a witch's hat and a pumpkin bucket is so cute, but darn it all, it just is.  Plus look at his mixed up eyes and the frightened face on the jack o lantern.  Darn it.  That's cute.  The other one has scary eyes and squiggly mouth, and his narrow tapering shape lends a spook factor, but he's still pretty much a cartoon character.  Now these aren't bedsheets, but it's the image we are going for when we don the bed sheet and they are obviously ghosts.

A trio of good commercially available costume choices

Wraiths of all kinds, my friends.  The above collection of costumes that you can purchase at your local outlets all make nice choices.  I'm partial to B, the child's classic ghost.  I like that the jeans and shoes are visible, since it's really a nostalgia costume.  Note the clever "patches" on the sheet.  Bonus for the jack-o bucket.  A is going for fright, and the lack of visible shoes plus the chain provide a grown up bedsheet haunter.  C is a mixed bag, really.  The molded skull visage, discernible up close but featureless at a distance reads quite spooky and the tatters provide that diaphanous ghostly look, especially as it fades to nothingness on the way to the floor.  The black shoes are forgiven here as you are meant to not look at them at all, and they provide a sharp contrast to the white of the ghost.

Aha!  The return of the Lantern Ghost!   I feel obliged to tell you that the costume was found with the label Adult Spooky Ghost Costume.  There is a children's version as well.  Also I must tell you that the actual costume consists of a robe and pair of gloves.  The chain lantern is a prop that must be purchased separately, but it really sells it and sets it apart from other simple bedsheets.  Thus do I recommend the lantern.  It does look pretty good, and kind of spooky.  It's not as glorious as a bed sheet from the linen cupboard, but that's what you get when you go commercial.  Lack of facial features a definite plus.  Maybe we should look into that.

Another Celtic Pumpkin Guide Card!  Clip and Save for your Personal Files!

Ghost anatomy, reference it often in your own costume selecting or, should you feel so foolish brave, ghost hunting activities.

And let's play it out with our last two selections.  On the left we have an adult costume which lights up and is called a Wailing Spirit costume.  I am going to assume it is due to all those damned souls on the chest.  I think it's nice, but we've stepped away from our classic bed sheet look at this point.  On the right a very nicely designed child's costume.  It has a molded rib cage and skull half-mask, but with the tatters and folded pointy hood, it's still recognizable as a ghost of some kind.  It's really the evolution of the bed sheet at work, and note the absence of the distracting black shoes.  That alone is worth the praise, I say.
What we've seen here tells us that we have a lot of choice in ghost looks.  I purposefully avoided providing the all-too-human looking options, which amount mainly to white clothes and pale makeup.  That's fine and stylish, and if you want a "sexy" option that's really the way to go.  I mean, you could take a bed sheet, two giant balloons, belt the sheet to allow the balloons to push out the chest and slap some lipstick on your sheet's face...but seriously don't do that.  Just, no.  You can purchase any Halloween store's ghost choices and you will be in good shape, or you can just grab a sheet, cut some eyes into it (careful with the scissors there, Charlie Brown), and viola, you have a cheap and effective ghost costume.  The amount of effort is up to you and your vision, but you can't beat a classic in my book.

Spooky ghost mascot says, "Woooo-ooohhhh, oooohhhh, faallashsaaworoo".  Which of course means, "Keep your pumpkins lit".  Or don't, since that scares away ghosts.  He might just be complaining.

Zombie Costumes Spoiled for Choice?

Or just plain spoiled?
Okay, puns aside, you have so many options for a zombie costume that it boggles the mind.  Some are good, some are okay, and some are shite on a cracker.  If you want to leave your manufactured off-the-peg costumes aside and make your own, you still have lost of tools available.  You have make up, appliances, masks, gloves, and little fiddly bits the stores overcharge you to obtain.  Keep in mind that a good number of these are gauzy or shredded as with pinking shears.
So your first question really is, to rot or not to rot.  I say rot.  The grodier the better when it comes to zombies.

These are a sample of what I call "the best".  I've given them names because I have warm feelings toward them.  Eddie is actually an old classic I've seen on the shelves for ten years or more.  That's staying power and why not.  Look at the wonderful exposed bone features, the grimacing face with pits for eyes, and the tattered clothing.  To me this is classic zombie at its gory best.  Tommy is a nice variation with stringier hair and more skull.  Less of the red blood accents, but that's quite alright.  Cliff is a newcomer to the bunch and the clothes work in gauze more than I'd like, but that's quite a good mask and the whole picture just works.  Any of these, or something like them, and I'd say you are a success.  Cliff gets bonus points for the lack of shoes.

Here we have a not-so-good selection.  Look at Heinz there.  This goes back to what I've been saying about a zombie just being a person that is undead.  He was going to Oktoberfest, he got zombified, decided to go anyway.  The half mask is minimal effort, the gauze on the costume serves no purpose and the lederhosen are just wrong.  While a knee-length lederhosen is fine, the tattering argues that these are not the proper length beforehand.  Father Funk there, well he's got a good mask, but it's just zombie priest.  We've seen it before, try a bit harder to be edgy, 'kay.  Street zombie over there is nothing you could do cheaper and better with your own clothes.  I just don't understand our Roman zombie.  If you have the build for a gladiator why go the zombie route?  That's a $73 costume and that's without the sandals, helmet, shield, and sword.  To top it all off, you need make up because, expand and look closely, that's not even a mask.  Sorry kids, this is not a costume, it's a tease for a costume.

Now these two are quite fun.  Why must your zombie be super gross and scary?  How about artsy, cartoony, and funny?  If your choice is between one of those embarrassing costumes like Oktoberfest zombie and Plants v Zombies, go with the big head cartoon.  Pop art zombie is a nice way to fit the theme and stand out from the crowd, but you must be willing to wear a bit of make-up and have the skills to do the line work.  Still, it's a fun option.

Kids actually look pretty cool as zombies.  I think it is because the proportions are scaled down for kids, but kept as adults.  Essentially they are all munchkin zombies.  This is a representative slice, but dig it, you have kid versions of many of the adult selections and in the case of homeless street hoodie zombie there in the bottom left, I'm given the award to the kid.  He looks 1000% more zombie than the adult model. Here we have zombies from all walks of human life, a couple of medical professionals, a homeless guy, a ninja...
Okay, let's be fair.  I did say you could combine zombie with anything, right?  Well once, when I was a wee kiddie, I combined werewolf and Ghostbuster.  That's just how kids think.  Zombies are cool.  Ninjas are cool.  You know what would be really cool?  Zombie Ninja!  If you are an adult doing this it better be superlative.  I mean it, it better be triple A choice, only for the professionals and executives.  I'll let a kid slide on a stupid mask, but not an adult.
Which is why I'm not having a go at our Zombie Southern Belle over there.  Here's a little secret info for everyone, a lot of little girls like to be pretty and glamorous.  Yeah.  It's not all playing in dirt and arguing for rights and stuff.  Here's a costume that takes glamour and marries it to zombies.  I think it's both a winner and a loser, to be honest.  Southern Belle, Louisiana, voodoo, classic zombie (that is, not rotting), but it could also be a ghost with the gauze and white make up.  Let the kids be kids.

I almost didn't include these examples because they aren't zombies and because they are crap.  Sorry, but it's true.  They are, however, part of the whole zombie thing.  Post-Zombie-Apoc Hunters.  Again this is nothing you couldn't do for yourself and likely better.  Most of what you see is not the costume, rather you see lots of accessories you must pay extra to obtain.  Look at our tweenage hunter girl.  Axe included?  Nope.  Boots?  You're kidding, right?  What about Mr. Five-O'Clock-Shadow there?  Did he kill a zombie and then shrink the head?  No other way to explain the hatchet.  Really he's just a douchy cowboy with some blood on him.  I might forgive it on a kid, but not an adult.  Really, outside of films made for SyFy channel, how often do you see this sort of zombie hunter?

Let's close out this article with a helpful anatomy lesson, shall we?
The OFFICIAL CELTIC PUMPKIN HANDY GUIDE TO THE CRAPPY ZOMBIE COSTUME.
I realize not everyone is as devoted to costuming as, say, myself.  I'm no cosplayer, but I appreciate creativity, effort, and style.  Many of your store bought options have at least one of those qualities, sometimes two, but many don't.  You get what you pay for, they say, but sometimes what you pay for is total crap.  Here is a case in point.  Everything about this costume just screams lack of effort and style.  From the poor quality fabric that clings in all the wrong places and does not sit properly to the stocking mask and gloves, this is bad.  Stocking masks and gloves have been popular for some time now, and I can understand the reason.  They are cheap to make, lack all durability, and thus have a nice profit margin for the manufacturer.  When you go to grip things your fingers don't quite curl correctly and for your head, well nothing says immersion-breaking like realizing that your zombie has no ears, hair, or line of demarcation.  Avoid at all costs or become a laughingstock fit only for mocking.  Besides, you are going to pull that mask off 5 minutes into the party to eat and drink and your hair will be all wet with sweat.  Not fun for anyone.

That about wraps it up for zombie costumes, kiddies.  You have many choices and we didn't even look at masks and make up.  As always the choice is yours, but I implore you to choose wisely.

Keep your pumpkins lit.

Zombie Costumes: A Primer

When it comes to zombie costumes one of the easiest angles is that you don't actually need special attire.  Since zombies are dead people you can get away with wearing normal clothes.  That's a plus right there.
Naturally if you are going for a theme of some kind you'll need clothes to match the theme, like say you wanted to be a zombie check-out clerk, you'll need to obtain some clothes that instantly read "check-out clerk" but that's still just normal clothing.
It is very important in the costuming world that your costume reads instantly.  What do I mean by reads?  I more or less made it up, so I guess it is incumbent upon me to explain it.
When you look at something, a picture, a statue, a piece of art, you need to get an instant mental image of what is happening with the piece.  Many joke or humor costumes are, essentially, visual puns.

Kosher Hot Dog

Like that.
You see it, you get the joke.  No long-winded complex explanation needed or wanted.  That's what I mean by read.  Tropes, people.  They serve a purpose.
As I said before, with zombies you can pretty much go with your normal clothes and still pull it off, or you can tatter some clothes, or you can buy a costume.  Appliances, masks, complete (more or less) costumes...you've got lots of choices.  It's a very easy way to do up a Halloween costume and most people like it so you're not going to catch Hell or anything.  You might not win a costume contest since you will be in a very large pool full of undead fish, unless you go the extra mile of course, but you probably won't get that booby prize for worst costume.  Anonymity, it's what the zombie is all about.  Just another rotting face in a rotting crowd.  You can get a mask or some make up and viola, zombie.
See, there's really not much to a zombie costume at all, come to think of it.  It's no sheet ghost, but it's pretty pedestrian.
Get it?
Zombies...walking dead...pedestrian...

Which is no excuse for not trying, kiddies.  Make an effort.

And keep your pumpkins lit.