Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Call Waiting of Cthulhu

Okay, so you have stories penned by a paranoid social misfit in the beginning of the 20th century that are weird fiction (or science fiction or horror fiction or science fantasy) and they usually involve some person being driven insane from gathering the merest glimpse of the whole of reality in its 16 dimensional spaces, a situation which makes them an unreliable narrator at best, and they aren't even very good and somehow this becomes the basis for an entire pop-culture of douchebaggery.  That about sums up my thesis here.
This happens in every single game of Arkham Horror.  Just assholes shooting guns at things that are supposed to be nigh invulnerable...and winning.
From Chaosium's Call of Cthulhu to Fantasy Flight Games Arkham Horror, Mansions of Madness, and Elder Sign there is something fundamentally wrong with fans of the genre.  By this I mean that I wish to ask fans of Lovecraft if they have ever actually read the man's work.
Case in point: A friend of mine was in a bookstore, which is surprising enough in this day and age, and overheard a young man commenting loudly to his female companion that the bookstore was in error because they put the Lovecraft works in Science Fiction rather than Horror where it belongs.

Oh really.  Is that what you think, sparky?  Well the fact is that Lovecraft wrote Science Fiction.  Or Weird Science Fantasy, if you prefer.  I have a list of reasons why this is but let me break them down to these:
1) The bulk of his work features entities from beyond the stars.
2) It is not in the least bit scary.
3) We weren't calling it Science Fiction when he was writing, but honestly, it is.
4) Okay, it's not all Sci-Fi, but the roots are mostly Sci-Fi.
5) Science Fiction and Horror have always been evil twins anyway.  Where you see the one, the other is usually nearby, probably waiting to kill you.  And wear your skin as a hat.

That wouldn't even bother me.  What bothers me is how much geeks like Cthulhu.  To the point that they act like the thing is their best friend.  He's become some sort of guard dog and badge of geek honor all rolled into one.  On the least offensive side this is a debasement of the source and on the worst side it is the sort of thing people do to show how "unique" they are with overtones of shock and offense.  Like when people pretend to be Satanists to annoy Christians who are not strong in their own beliefs.  It is douchy.  Stop it.
That's METAL that is.
So what we have, shown above, is a thing beyond human comprehension, summoned from the very depths of a man's neurotic nightmares (seriously, the man had issues, go read his bio some time) showing his trepidation and fear of, among other things, the infinite universe (interestingly he uses the sea as a metaphor for this in Call of Cthulhu) being reduced to...
I know these are on somebody's Christmas list somewhere.
Yes, fuzzy slippers.  H.P. would vomit to see this.  I guarantee it.  Like Poe, Lovecraft's writing reveals much of the author's own internal struggles with life and fear.  H.P. believed in the relationship between author and reader (he reportedly did not like adaptations of his work for radio as he felt it destroyed the dramatic tension and personal relationship that made the horror work-paraphrased from the introduction to the Chaosium Call of Cthulhu RPG, 3rd edition, I think).  What then would he think of this:

I think he'd think what you are thinking, "Hey, that guy is fisting Cthulhu".  He would not be happy about that.

Personally I put old Squid-Face in the same group as Freddy Kruger for his pop-culture appeal.  I don't understand a human mind that enjoys misusing the monster.  Hey, I get it, we love our monsters, but they still need to be monsters and if not monsters in the traditional sense, as least still monstrous, dig?  I love The Munsters and would certainly hang out with Herman and his family, so maybe I am off-base with this Cthulhu pop-culture hatred.
I think much of this is aimed at gaming anyway.  When you play a game where a being beyond space and time shows up and you shoot it to death with a tommy gun I think the whole thing has gone horribly wrong.  When we make the Frankenstein Monster into a friendly thing at least it was not designed from the beginning as an unfeeling cosmic horror (again with that word...it's not scary).  We were meant to feel a sense of pity for the monster from the start.
This is the thing that ushers in man's destruction on this planet?  Yeah, probably.
So that's my thing.  Cthulhu for president and plush Cthulhus and all of it.  It's just silly.  Playing an RPG, video game or any Mythos product where you can shoot dead a Cthonian or a Star Spawn is taking away from the very thing you profess to love.
Sad, really.



Friday, September 28, 2012

Yes, I did just listen to Josie Cotton

What a day.
I realize that soon I will need to actually post some holiday horrors and such, being that the season is nigh upon us, but today I felt a bit odd.  Off.  Not bad, just not my normal feeling.  This was probably because I knew I had a 4 hour conference call coming up from noon to 4, but then it was over by 1.  That throws everything off.

On the one hand (the right hand) I've been very concerned about wizards of late.  Like all week.
On the other hand (the sinister one) I've been having the weirdest songs running through my head all week.  I can't listen to music at work due to diverse reasons that I shall not reveal.  I have been listening to a novel in my car.

So I got home and thought, "You Tube!" then I listened to "Johnny Are You Queer?", which lightened the mood a bit.  Of course then it is a slippery slope into the 80's innit? (Some of you youngsters might not know what I am talking about; sit down in the rockin' chair and I'll tell you a tale of the gawdam 1980s)

Where does it end?  Am I to end up in some sort of Pat Benatar  binge?
Will I Devo?
Is Oingo Boingo in my near future?
I mustn't Flock.  I mustn't.

Sometimes the metal just leaves me.  I am bereft of Metal.  Sometimes I've no grease and I don't feel like the sounds of twang.  Let's face it, I have to surf the New Wave, no matter how old it is.

Bollocks.

(E.G. Daily, by the way.)


Thursday, September 13, 2012

The infamous Busch Gardens letter

It occurred to me that my posting of BGW's reply would be better in context.  Below is the e-mail I sent to them the reply to which is in the post below.

Dear BGW,

Today my wife and I decided that we would not be renewing our annual
passes to Busch Gardens Williamsburg.  As Virginia residents, my wife
a native, we are most unhappy with the current trend we see at BGW.  I
have been following the BG official blog via the BG website and I
realize that others, many others, share our feelings.  The current
quality of the park, its rides and shows, has fallen far from the bar
set in previous years and we no longer desire to be associated with
it.  Despite living within 30 minutes of the park, we no longer see
the value in holding passes of any kid.
Our list of complaints are as follows:
1) The change to the Festhaus has not been for the better.  Things
must change, certainly, but the Entwined show is a poor replacement
for the Oktoberfest show.  The costumes are substandard, the singing
is barely adequate and the plot, such as it is, is vapid.  I took a 3
year old to see it and she was bored by the entire show with the
exception of the bears.  Children have their places at BG.  Insipid
children's musical theater belongs in the Sesame area.
2) The Verbolten is a poorly executed ride.  With such a show building
a much better presentation could be done, and yet it leaves much to be
desired.  The worst aspect is that the show building takes away from
the coaster.  Part of the thrill of a coaster is the feeling of
movement produced by rushing wind, the anticipation of the drop you
can see and the visual effect of the world moving past at blurring
speeds.  The show building denies the senses that enhance a coaster,
but then it also fails by providing weak visuals and auditory
stimulation.  The trick of the eye effect of DarKastle is wonderful,
yet the Verbolten does not even produce that and it moves faster.  A
poor, poor replacement for the beloved Big Bad Wolf that you murdered.
3) Howl-O-Scream 2011 was a major disappointment.  The child-friendly
choice to have scare zones rather than the scare everywhere turned the
entire event into a waste of time.  Halloween is supposed to a be a
bit scary, even for children.  That is part of its appeal.  If parents
are concerned about their children then can certainly leave the park
by 6 PM.  Ruining everyone else's good time for the sake of a few
overprotective parents (who aren't going to spend money anyway) is a
foolish and insulting decision.
4) Monster Stomp...gone.  2012 Howl-O-Scream is already off to a bad
start to us.  If you insist on taking away our entertainment, then
removing the appeal of Howl-O-Scream, and subjecting us to enslavement
to a child-worshipping cult, why should we patronize your
establishment?
5) The trend is toward a kiddie park.  There are plenty of kiddie
parks that parents can go to.  As a park BG was a good mix of
child-friendly and adult entertainment.  It is moving more and more to
a kiddie park.  Sadly this will not succeed.  The Disney parks manage
to be a great place for children and adults and are far more
entertaining, presently, than BG.  If you attempt to be a Disney you
will lose.  They are just too big and have been doing this for too
long.

Thus, if you do not feel we, and those like us, are valued customers
we have chosen to cease to be.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My Response from Busch Gardens

I sent an e-mail to Busch Gardens Williamsburg some weeks ago explaining my dissatisfaction with the park, the direction toward which I saw the park heading, and explaining that my family would not renew our annual passes upon expiration.
After several weeks' silence I received a reply.  I have printed it below:

September 11, 2012

Dear Mr. Saxon:

Thank you for taking the time to email us regarding your visits to Busch Gardens Williamsburg.  We always appreciate hearing from our guests as our goal is to provide the best in family entertainment.  We especially welcome comments that impact our guests' experiences at the park.

Busch Gardens Williamsburg strives to provide the best in family entertainment, and we constantly work on improving our guest service.  However, we do rely on guest feedback to address any issues or concerns our guests raise.  Please know that your comments were immediately shared with our leadership team for their review and follow-up.

We will continue to listen to our guests and act upon opportunities to further enhance the Busch Gardens experience.  We appreciate your help in this process through the feedback you have provided.  Thanks again for sharing your experiences with us. I hope you will visit Busch Gardens Williamsburg again in the future.

Sincerely,

Derek Bowie
Director of Park Operations

DB/sw

A form letter?
A sodding form letter!
I detest irresponsible Capitalism.  I am a Capitalist.  I respect the Free Market.  I demand responsible Capitalism.  I receive very poor, concillatory, spin-control.

Detestable.

Keep your pumpkins lit (even if the bastards won't).

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Cthulhu?

Not sure what I'm supposed to be looking at here...oh, yeah, the dirty great monster dominating the center.
I don't care if it says Ur-Draug, Giant Tentacle Face Monster Dragon, or Carl the Wonder Puppy...that's bloody Cthulhu.
Note sexy cowboy for scale
In case you need a checklist...
What is that?  It's not fire...it's pure death!
Tentacle face?
Check
Wings?
Check
Bloody Huge?
Check
Inhabits water?
Check
Rips open dimensional portals?
Oh yeah...check
We didn't win.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Merlin

Merlin from J.H. Brennan's Grail Quest series


Of all the wizards in fantasy and history perhaps none is more famous, more well-known, and more often name-dropped than Merlin.  Whether you call him Merlin, Merlin the Magician, the Wizard Merlin, Myrddin, Merlyn, Merlin the Druid or even Merlin Emrys people, even people who've never read a single book about King Arthur, know of this famous wizard.  So involved with the English language is Merlin that he is name-dropped by writers looking to add a pedigree to their own magical creations from numerous classic superheroes to J.K. Rowling herself.
In fact Rowling's Merlin name-dropping is a perfect example of the character's archetypal role as a great figure of magic and mystery.  Not only do wizards and witches in the Potterverse use exclamations such as "Merlin's beard" as a mild oath, but also there is an Order of Merlin to which noteworthy magical types belong, including of course that august headmaster Albus Dumbledore.  Rowling's use of Merlin is a prime example of how the character is at once fixed in the English speaking world's public consciousness while simultaneously being mutable and thus able to fill varying roles within a narrative providing, if not verisimilitude, certainly a magical pedigree.  Rowling's example is, however, a most egregious one.  According to her Potterverse Merlin spent his formative years at Hogwarts where he was sorted into Slytherin, but despite this he was a champion for muggle rights.  His role as King Arthur's adviser is still a part of his character.  Hogwarts was established circa 990 A.D. but King Arthur's reign was in the late 5th to early 6th centuries.  Thus Merlin could not have attended Hogwarts during his formative years at all, but such is the power of using the character's name that it goes unnoticed.  Except by me, obviously.

I could recount the many origins and stories of Merlin here, but that is beyond the scope of this post.  I will instead hit the highlights: Merlin was born a cambion to either a nun or princess; he was born fully able to speak on the day he was born; he was a prophet and became a wizard of some repute; he served as adviser to British kings and shaped the destiny of the land by engineering the conception of Arthur; he set up the sword in the stone to reveal Arthur as king; he advised Arthur until he was done in and imprisoned by Nimue, his former pupil after whom he lusted.  He was always an enigmatic figure fond of disguises, riddles, and like most wizard types he kept his own counsel and did things his own way, often with an imperiousness that defied his role as a servant to kings.

Who is Merlin?  How does he look?  How should he look?
Two possible Merlins, the left being a Halloween costume.

If you consider the setting of 5th and 6th century Britain, Merlin should probably have a beard, wear homespun robes, a fur trimmed cloak and perhaps some Roman items and clothes as well.  As a mystic, prophet and magic-worker we would expect him to have fetishes and totems about his person, and carry a staff.  This is a good contrast to the knights with whom he associates, who wear heavy armor and carry swords.
From the Shadows Over Camelot board game: a more druid-like Merlin
Yet also Merlin is known as a wizard and wizards have a certain visual shorthand to identify themselves.  Often in works, like T.H. White's Once and Future King or Mallory, Camelot is pictured as existing in a Golden Age, and as such Merlin is pictured as having fine robes and the classic wizard's hat.
Merlin from Disney's  The Sword In the Stone , itself an adaptation of the first T.H. White Arthur novel
Irish author J. H. Brennan worked with both traditional pre-Mallory images of Merlin, post-Mallory images of Merlin and his own native sense of humor to create the Merlin of his Grailquest series of adventure gamebooks for young adults.  In Brennan's work Merlin is Welsh, a prankster who enjoys disguises and shape-shifting, has a preoccupation with maintaining his pension (for which reason he employs an "apprentice" named Pip-the lead character and the alter ego of the reader) which requires the completing tasks for King Arthur, and generally has a comically curmudgeonly attitude.  Brennan's work shows a definite T.H. White influence as well.  Merlin is perfectly capable of great magic, but seems to rely on Pip to do the dirty work.
Merlin from J.H. Brennan's first Grailquest book.  He displays the "classic" wizard look of long robes adorned with astrological symbols, a pointed hat and long beard.
And here, a bit like a garden gnome
In film and television a number of Brits have taken up the role of Merlin in various works.  One of the early stellar examples of the character was performed by Scottish born Nicol Williamson in John Boorman's Excalibur, a work heavily based upon Mallory.
Nicol Williamson in Excalibur
Williamson, a fine actor, did a wonderful job as perhaps the most memorable character in a film full of memorable characters.  The film featured Gabriel Byrne, Helen Mirren, Patrick Stewart and a young Liam Neeson, all great talents, but it is Williamson's Merlin who stands out to this day.  Williamson infused the character with a combination of gravitas and boyish charm, by turns being a caring adviser to his king and fearsome wizard.  His outfit of bulky robes, staff and gleaming skullcap, a departure from the more traditional wizard hat, enhanced his character as one who not only remembered the "old religion" but was a functional part of it.  He rarely shows much magic, but when he does it is spectacular, the old ham.  As far as performances go, I honestly put his at the top of the heap for really making a Merlin.

Sam Neill (whose credits include Jurassic Park among others) played Merlin in a television miniseries of the same name that began before Arthur, starting with the birth of Merlin and casting the boy as a champion of magic in a world that was rapidly losing it.  In the series Merlin clashes repeatedly with the unseelie Queen Mab and her ally/servant Morgan Le Fey.  Neill's Merlin is more of a heroic nice guy type and spends much of the film with no beard and a more natural earth tone look.  Loose robes, layers, a staff and a fantasy druid image make for the character's defining look.  The whole production was full of magic and effects and this Merlin does not hold back in his use of magic.

English actor Joseph Fiennes played Merlin for the single season of the Starz original series Camelot.  Fiennes's Merlin had a dark, sinister aspect and was very much a manipulator of events and people.  While one would not call him "good" he was devoted to the kingdom and supported Arthur as adviser, or when necessary puppet master.  In Camelot Merlin was a kingmaker.  The Starz series took many deviations from the sources traditionally used, but Fiennes seemed to have captured much of the spirit of the half-demonic original Merlin.  Early suggestions that he did not use magic, but was simply an intelligent politico, proved unfounded when he fully demonstrated his powers.  His look was a blend of evil monk, Darth Vader and Medieval chic, looking a bit like he did in Shakespeare In Love, only older and meaner.

Which brings us to the current state of Merlin.  The BBC series Merlin (also known as The Adventures of Merlin) is a retelling of the great English legend of Camelot, King Arthur and his lifelong friend and adviser, Merlin.  Heavily influenced by showings of the American series Smallville, this BBC program copies the basic principle of the Superboy series by having Merlin be a young man who must keep his power hidden due to a ban on magic in Camelot.  The series features dual protagonists in the form of Merlin, the young sorcerer, who is the servant of Arthur, the prince of the realm in the first seasons but becomes king in season 4.  Merlin's outfit (and indeed the majority of the outfits) is a combination of modern attire and faux medieval clothing.  Indeed Merlin wears an outfit that evokes young Clark Kent's own in Smallville featuring a mixture of red, blue and brown.  Throughout the series Colin Morgan, the actor who plays Merlin, presents a character with charm, humor and just enough drama to keep things interesting.  This Merlin is young, was born with great magical power (he is a dragon lord) and is tasked with a great destiny to aid Arthur in making a better world.  Often Merlin finds himself at odds with Arthur on matters of magic and politics, but their friendship is genuine.  Merlin's powers are a combination of natural abilities and learned spells, which he is taught in secret by his mentor, Gaius.  The show and the characterizations are major departures from the traditional versions, more superhero really, but it works.  The show is entertaining and has just enough of the old style Celtic and English tales to keep me intrigued.  In a nod to the traditional character Merlin sometimes uses an aging spell to take on an alter ego, the aged magician Emrys (his name according to the remaining druids of the land).
Colin Morgan as Merlin with his Superman colors

Morgan as "Emrys"
In his Emrys disguise Merlin effectively has his "Blur" (the alter ego of pre-Superman Clark Kent), which allows him to hide his identity and safely work magic or face down his nemesis, Morgana.  Merlin/Emrys also shows great humor as this guise allows him to snipe at Arthur and the other knights much as the original Merlin of legend was wont to do.

Many forms has Merlin in legend and media; which is fitting to the original character, who enjoyed disguises and mind games.  Currently I think Colin Morgan is the best Merlin going thanks to his superb acting and the excellent scripts.  He may not wear robes or a beard or a hat or even carry a staff, but then Merlin is a wizard for all times and now is his time, as it always was.

Keep your pumpkins lit (with faerie fire).

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Howl-O-Scream 2012

I have my misgivings about Howl-O-Scream this year at Busch Gardens Williamsburg.
http://www.howloscream.com/williamsburg/homepage.aspx
Please feel free to click the above link to get a very small preview of this year's Halloween event.

Last year, which I chronicled in pictures in several posts here in 4 parts showed a kinder, gentler Howl-O-Scream, which is just not what the holiday should be about.  I enjoy Disney parks, but I have no desire to go to their Halloween event.  It is too bright, too shiny, too cartoony and too damned kid friendly.  Halloween needs to be a bit sinister.  It needs to be a bit creepy and spooky.  I'm not going to launch into some long speech about devalued counterparts in the modern world but take as red that I did.  Two years ago at Howl-O-Scream "the scare [was] everywhere".  No place was safe after 6 P.M., as it should be.  There is plenty of time and plenty to do with the young kids during the daylight hours.  After dark the park should be a scary place.  In order to compete with other parks this pervasive sense of fear and holiday cheer is imperative.  Busch Gardens chose to restrict the scary ghouls to "Scare Zones" last year.  As my quotes denote these Scare Zones were anything but.
As of this year Busch Gardens has changed dramatically.  Things must change, that I understand and grudgingly accept, but not every change is for the better.  The Oktoberfest show, long a staple of the Festhaus, has become an insipid, syrupy, vomit inducing fairy tale mishmash called Entwined and the current Howl-O-Scream plans do not feature their long-running and most entertaining Monster Stomp as the show has been retired.  My only hope is that this year in the Gardens the scare will again be everywhere.

This might be the case if the scant information on the website tells the tale I hope it does.  At this point there is simply not enough to go on to make an accurate prediction.  If the Scare Zones have been removed in favor of full after dark horror, then I will be satisfied, if not happy.  As with so many things I will have to wait to know the full truth of it, but after last year's disappointing showing I am understandably guarded.  When we add to that the poor decisions being made currently regarding shows and events, all of which seem to be worshiping at the altar of the 3-7 year old crowd, then I am more than simply guarded; I am filled with dread.
On the other hand, if it turns out to be as charybdic as any combination of last year's Howl-O-Scream plus the added drivel of the latest shows and events I can at least go to Hunt Club Farm.

Get a pumpkin.  Keep it lit.