Special Feature-the ISBA Files Pt. 2

Continuing my expose of the seedy underbelly of the ghost hunting world, here is the latest installment of the ISBA manual that I have obtained for you, my loyal readers, at no small danger to myself.

Ennui Haunter- Easily the most depressing ghost in the world.  Should an E. Haunter be in the area during your EVP sessions the overwhelming moroseness and boredom will drive off other, more interesting spirits.  Often found in conjunction with lesser spirits in its orbit, most likely the souls of marginalized persons in life, looking for something to guide them and being drawn to the tragically cool disaffection of the Haunter.  According to ISBA field investigator Frank Farkle, E. Haunter’s tend to attract Lingering Poots.

Grimacing Sharter- This anguished spirit was first identified by ISBA field investigators Frank Farkle and Terrance Horowitz, later relayed to ISBA scribe Jonas Spaltezahn.  During an investigation into rumors of a spirit on the bayou very near Imelda’s Gator Tail Gumbo Shack, reputed to be the spiciest gumbo in all of Louisiana, Terrance described a noise he heard as, “similar to the sound of an outboard motor hitting the bottom and kicking up mud, followed by a sucking sound.”  Horowitz further described the sound of a sharp cry, which sounded like it might have come from his partner, Farkle.  Farkle was nowhere on the scene, however, but upon returning the pair discussed what had occurred.  Frank confirmed that the cry was his, uttered upon seeing the apparition, its face contorted into such pain as if its “guts were being torn out and hot lava passing from them”.  Both men agreed the scent was like a combination of swamp mud and cheap beer, with notes of THC.  While Terrance did not see the spirit directly, he did say he caught a glimpse out of his periphery of a form in great distress, but that it disappeared almost as suddenly as it appeared.

Tragigeist-AKA Weeper, or as it is known solely to ISBA field investigator Frank Farkle, “whimpering, simper-ghost of an occupying little Commie punk”, this spirit likely belonged, in life, to an individual that was easily upset by things of minor consequence, especially unrelated to themselves directly, if at all.  WARNING: Do not attempt to engage in conversation or attempt EVP if you suspect one is in the vicinity.  Unpredictable at best, illogical as a matter of course. 

Bloody Marty-First identified by ISBA junior associates Theresa Flanagan and Caroline Abercrombie, this spirit appears to be a masculine variant of the famous Bloody Mary specter summoned to slumber parties by girls around the nation.  The pair attempted the summoning one night when the Flanagan parents were away, leaving only Theresa's brother Kevin alone with the girls.  Abercrombie's testimony that the spirit, "grabbed my knockers" was considered odd behavior for a ghost, but confirmed by Kevin, who swore it was definitely a ghost that did it.  Promise.  Definitely a ghost.