Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Some Interesting Facts About Zombies

Destined to be far less successful than the previous blockbuster Some Interesting Facts About Pumpkins, but still in the spirit of the season, Celtic Pumpkin is proud to present:
Some Interesting Facts About Zombies

Zombies, the Walking Dead, those zany undead flesh eating monsters that strike so close to home because, let's face it, they are us, are still wildly popular despite all the hype.  Since I predict they will soon go the way of pirates, who have clearly lost popularity due to brand saturation, I think it is a good time to get a quick post in about the rotting walkers before they become so last week.
We love zombies, but what do we really know about them?
Here are some facts that can help you sound intelligent during your next office discussion.

1. Zombie, or zombi, or nzumbe or even zonbi, is the corpse of a person who has been reanimated by a bokor, and who has a portion of their animating force (soul) captured by the bokor to control them.

2. Zombies were often used as slave labor in Haitian sugar fields and as a threat to control populations.

3. A zombie can be made aware of its state by feeding it salt.  This will cause the zombie's angina to flare and the zombie will immediately start looking for its pills.  This gives one time to flee the scene.
NOT ZOMBIES...just brain dead
4. Zombies are sometimes called "the walking dead" or "undead".  Walking dead zombies like to eat live human flesh.

5. Necromancers often employ zombies as guards for their lairs.  Which might explain why adventurers find it so easy to plunder necromancer lairs.

6. Zombies are legally allowed to vote in the United States of America everywhere save, ironically, Louisiana.

7. Your mother is a zombie.

8. Zombies love Totino's Pizza Rolls and by scattering a few of the delectably sodium laden treats about the ground you can make your escape.

9. Zombies have very poor math skills, but don't mention it because they are touchy about it.
"Hello, my name is Will"
10. If you eat Hot Pockets every day for lunch for 3 months you will become a zombie.

11. Historians disagree about when the word and concept of the zombie entered the popular consciousness of America.  Some say it was with the publication of The Magic Island (1929) by William Seabrook while others credit the film White Zombie.  New and exciting evidence suggests it was actually the founding fathers who determined that a zombie was officially three-fifths of a person for purposes of determining representatives.
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12.  Voodoo zombies are inherently elitist and do not mix with flesh eating walking dead finding them to be disgusting, smelly, and their behavior in poor taste.

13. There are no such things as zombies.

14. Okay, there are such things as zombies, but they actually spend all day on Facebook and Twitter commenting on other people's comments on pop culture.

15. In case of a zombie attack you should duck and cover below your desk or against a curb.  If a zombie gets on you immediately stop, drop and roll.

16. I don't need a plan...I have a chainsaw.

17.  Zombies are worth 45XP a piece.

Keep your pumpkins lit.


  1. What do you think about the debate that Jason Voorhees is a zombie once he is revived in the beginning of Part VI? I get it, but I think it is more like he is brought back to some sort of life, as he doesn't do zombie things, he just keeps doing Jason things.

    1. Glad you asked. I often refer to Jason as zombie Jason when speaking of part VI and after (save for X where I say cyborg zombie Jason and the reboot where he is clearly reset to 0) but I do not, strictly speaking, think of him as a "zombie" any more than I would call Frankenstein's monster a zombie. In fact, given the manner of Jason's resurrection via lightning in part VI, I consider him simply reanimated. His personality survived despite his brain not being able to do so. Are we to take either Goes to Hell or X as canon? What of Freddy v Jason? If these are canonical then Jason is a demonic force that inhabits bodies, but probably did not become so until part VI when he was reanimated and he has a wolverine like mutant healing factor according to FvJ and X. So while I will say "zombie" to the uninitiated because it is a shorthand term they understand for "walking corpse" I personally do not think he is a zombie.

    2. Best answer out there, right? I do take all the movies as canon, so Jason is definitely not a typical zombie, by any means. He may even be his own special category of monster!