Some Interesting Facts About Zombies
Zombies, the Walking Dead, those zany undead flesh eating monsters that strike so close to home because, let's face it, they are us, are still wildly popular despite all the hype. Since I predict they will soon go the way of pirates, who have clearly lost popularity due to brand saturation, I think it is a good time to get a quick post in about the rotting walkers before they become so last week.
We love zombies, but what do we really know about them?
Here are some facts that can help you sound intelligent during your next office discussion.
1. Zombie, or zombi, or nzumbe or even zonbi, is the corpse of a person who has been reanimated by a bokor, and who has a portion of their animating force (soul) captured by the bokor to control them.
2. Zombies were often used as slave labor in Haitian sugar fields and as a threat to control populations.
3. A zombie can be made aware of its state by feeding it salt. This will cause the zombie's angina to flare and the zombie will immediately start looking for its pills. This gives one time to flee the scene.
|NOT ZOMBIES...just brain dead|
5. Necromancers often employ zombies as guards for their lairs. Which might explain why adventurers find it so easy to plunder necromancer lairs.
6. Zombies are legally allowed to vote in the United States of America everywhere save, ironically, Louisiana.
7. Your mother is a zombie.
8. Zombies love Totino's Pizza Rolls and by scattering a few of the delectably sodium laden treats about the ground you can make your escape.
9. Zombies have very poor math skills, but don't mention it because they are touchy about it.
|"Hello, my name is Will"|
11. Historians disagree about when the word and concept of the zombie entered the popular consciousness of America. Some say it was with the publication of The Magic Island (1929) by William Seabrook while others credit the film White Zombie. New and exciting evidence suggests it was actually the founding fathers who determined that a zombie was officially three-fifths of a person for purposes of determining representatives.
12. Voodoo zombies are inherently elitist and do not mix with flesh eating walking dead finding them to be disgusting, smelly, and their behavior in poor taste.
13. There are no such things as zombies.
14. Okay, there are such things as zombies, but they actually spend all day on Facebook and Twitter commenting on other people's comments on pop culture.
15. In case of a zombie attack you should duck and cover below your desk or against a curb. If a zombie gets on you immediately stop, drop and roll.
16. I don't need a plan...I have a chainsaw.
17. Zombies are worth 45XP a piece.
Keep your pumpkins lit.