Friday, October 23, 2015

Brings a Tear to the Eye

You want to talk about some sad shit options, take a gander below, pards.
I'm afraid to even comment.
Okay, now that's just insulting.  The Western genre has its fair share of natives, usually as bad guys but there have been a few films and such to try to give equal time to the plight of the natives.  And then there is this costume.  What tribe is this, exactly?  I think it is the Birkenstock tribe, but I can't be sure.  Do you have any idea how cheap a pair of moccasins are these days?  They couldn't come up off of ten bucks to get this guy some convincing footwear?
Funny bit of history here, but once the White Devils started trading with the various tribes, the tribes took to wearing White Devil clothes a lot.  However we have stated that you need a visual shorthand to sell the costume idea, so I'll let that go.
That costume, however, I will not.  Could I find something worse?
"Hola, amigos!  I'm dressed as a racially insensitive prick."
Si, I can.  What we got here is yer basic Frito Bandito.  You have the weirdass serape, the sombrero, and the full Fu Manchu mustache that people who have never met a Mexican think makes up your basic Mexican.  Extra points for how white the guy is that is wearing them.  I am officially calling this worse than our native buddy up top.  Although, to be fair, we do an awful lot of stupid cowboy costumes too.  Why didn't I call those racist?
What's up with the one pant leg tucked into the combat boots and the other not?  This is a pretty shitty costume anyway, never mind the cultural implications.
We can do better, right?
Hell yes we can.  Oh but that is a great outfit.  Sure, it's for Dia de los Muertos, but then that's syncretism with Halloween.  There is nothing bad I can say about this guy.  The mask is superb, at once invoking the symbology of the dead and the celebration of life that Dia de los Muertos represents.  The mustache and the smile really sell it.  The mariachi outfit is festive but slick, the simple black and white with splashes of red make this a wonderful choice.
I feel honor bound to show some embarrassing white people choices now...

Yeeha, I'm an asshole!  This is one of those far too expensive for what it is costumes.  It's a one-note joke. You wear this to the party and at first you get a chuckle, sure, but as the night wears on you are that annoying asshole whose costume is taking up three chairs and making noise because it requires an integrated fan to stay inflated.  So now you are uncomfortable and people are having to push your inflatable bull-ass out of the way to get to the beer cooler and this doesn't seem to be as good an idea as it did at first.  So naturally you shed the costume.  People who didn't see you in the mighty Toro del Jerkoff costume want to know why you are wearing a pair of Bermuda shorts and a dinky cowboy hat.  Oh, and flip flops, because you had to borrow footwear.  Best to avoid, but at least you won't be this guy...
"Hardy, pardners, I'm Marshal Douchebag, town Marshal of Dipshit Springs, population one."
The description of the "costume" calls it a "Classic Cow Hand", but if that is so then why is he wearing a tin star?  The mustache, oversized gun and shirt don't even come with the costume, which means this man made an INFORMED DECISION to make it as douchey as possible.  I reckon he thinks he's some kind of sheriff, which is problematic for me because any county that would vote this idiot into office is no place I'd expect to last too long on the frontier.  Combine this with Poncho up there for a couples theme that will be sure to win no votes at the costume contest.  I imagine that about halfway through the night ol' Marshal Dipshit is going to shed those chaps and hat, and once again we are left with a half-assed costume on some dude that thought he was being clever.

You have no idea how many words I had to add to the blogger spellcheck dictionary for this article.  Damn, blogger, read a book.

Keep them pumpkins lit, pards.

No comments:

Post a Comment