Thursday, October 11, 2012

Go Go Boots o' Doom!

This is part 3 of Zombie Hippie Massacre 1966.  Part 2, in case you need to catch up, is available HERE.

The Thanatobiblion, Gallowes thought (you thought I forgot), foolish New Agers playing with forces they do not, nay, cannot understand.  But is there something more here?  To translate such a tome requires a learned individual indeed.  I would not be the least bit surprised if there were not an evil mastermind behind all of this.
But who could it be?  The Fantome Gris, that would-be world conqueror?  The Reconstructionist, that angry Yankee who sought to destroy what remained of the South making economic slaves of the Free Peoples?  Old Mr. Jenkins, whose amusement park was to be torn down by the Big Company Corporation?  Who could say? front...door
Gallowes made his highly destructive way to the front door.
I hope the owners have good insurance.
And thence to the yard.  A brief zombie respite as Gallowes trod along making his way to the back of the spacious yard.
I think I saw this on Supernatural one time.
Something was not right.  "The Blue Oyster Cult?  But BOC's first album won't be released until 1971...either there has been a total temporal breakdown in this area or these hippies have been undead far longer than I first suspected!"
"I must get to the family crypt and find the talisman to end all of this," Gallowes said.  And what happened to my internal monologue...oh, there it is.
It is moments such as this when "day for night" shooting would come in handy.
As he crossed the backyard, seeing the all-but-drained decorative fountain and pool, he spotted it: the Family Crypt.
Easy Peasy, pop inside, get talisman, end hippie zombie menace, go bowling.
At last, the Crypt.  Gallowes paused for a moment to recall a previous adventure with an underground world domination group and their high tech tools...
Nope, apropos to the present in no way whatsoever.
This adventure was nothing like that, so it really didn't apply.
As he stood musing a figure exited the crypt.  Honestly, it would have been in his best interests to not wander off into the land of memories at such a dramatically critical juncture.

Hello, my old nemesis!
"Go-Go Gertie, the Mod Witch!", Gallowes gasped in surprise.  "I did not expect you of all people."
Heh heh heh
"Did you not?" Gertie asked.
What did I just say?
"Well, no, hence my previous statement.  If you check above you will see that I thought you might be The Reconstructionist or Old Man Jenkins.  You never even crossed my mind."
Hell hath no fury...
"Ha!" Gertie spat.  "That's not surprising.  Typical male!"
Innocent face
"Is this about that Salem thing?  I mean, I really didn't expect..."
"You stood me up, you prick.  I swore then and there that I would have my revenge!"
"So you summoned the Hippie Dead, knowing that I would come here on Halloween, just to trap me because I didn't make a date?  That's a bit pathetic, you know that, right."

"Typical; you think this is about you.  Your egotism and vanity know no bou...hey, don't walk away from me!"
Gallowes had better things to do.  If Go Go Gertie wanted to raise the dead with an ancient talisman that was fine by him.
"You won't be so full of yourself when I am through with you, buddy boy.  Face the dual wrath of my new boyfriends!  Billy, Billy, destroy him!"
Aaahhh filthy serape!  Oh, and a machete.
Twins of evil!  Billy and Billy, two less than bright but exceptionally mean hippies appeared from behind the crypt and attacked the lone Punkin Cowboy.
That was my favorite shirt, dick.
Blood covered the ground as the Billies and Gallowes fought.  Despite her obsession (yes, OBSESSION) with our hero, the evil (or at least annoying) Gertie seemed singularly unimpressed by the conflict.  It was all she could do to let out an evil hiss or chuckle.
At least they are frozen in Good Humor.
"Clearly you don't care much for these boys.  And honestly, two of them?  And you call me egotistical?  Ouch, well I guess it's time to end this nonsense."  Gallowes unleashed his super-icing lighting smash, turning Billy (and Billy) into statues of frozen waster.
Gertie realized her scheme was undone.  She screamed in frustration, but without her army of politically misguided social miscreants and her Twins of Stupidity, she was powerless.
"I still have the talisman," she laughed.
"Yeah, about's not so much use when it has been Zapped," Gallowes said and shot a bolt into the artifact.  The talisman hit the ground a smoking ruin.

"Nooooooooooo," Gertie cried.
Gallowes turned and walked away, quite satisfied with himself.
"I'll have my revenge yet!"
"Let it go Gertie," Gallowes said as he left the grounds.
"Don't turn your back on me!"
"I can't hear you, la la la la la la."
Victory and Happiness
The Haunted House was again safe, but for how long.

Keep your pumpkins lit.

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